Permission to be Bold.
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”
Fortune favours the bold — we barely sit to contemplate what it really means, but in general, being bold is considered to be a favourable trait.
We praise bold business leaders or individuals and we give credit to bold decisions and living. On top of my head, I’d mention Steve Jobs, Beyoncé, Elon Musk, Gary V., Harvey Specter or Birgitte Nyborg. (The last two being fictional characters).
Some time ago, during the pandemic I followed a live session on Instagram — unfortunately, I can’t remember who it was, we’ll call him Will — the coach/person asked the audience to write down our deepest desire and our truth.
I blanked.
I tend to think of myself as someone who has an answer ready for everything, — or at least I used to. After thinking a bit about it I wrote down something along the lines of “I want to be more decisive, firm and more confident.”
Will, read it out loud on the other side of the live feed and reframed it — “Ah, Era, I think you mean, you desire to have more conviction. To act with conviction. Is that correct?”.
He was right on the money. The funny thing, my internet just decided to go down at the time, so that was that.
It wasn’t long after, that I realized acting with conviction, is only one part of a bigger skill or attribute of being bold.
Defining boldness:
“It’s a thunder in your veins, a stampede in your soul, and a lasso roped around your fear.”*
If you were raised like me, when you were young, you were told not to interrupt when grown-ups speak. You just needed 1 sharp stinky eye, to know what time it is by the present parent or teacher. Even if you had something to say, chances were, it was going to go unnoticed in the ever-so-important world of grown-ups. You didn’t talk back to your parents, nor did you use arguments you learned at school. You were expected to carry out duties, like your homework, and some of the house chores. If not done correctly, you were met with sometimes disproportionate criticism. You were always compared to your siblings, cousins and schoolmates, and everything they did better was made clear to you and commonly accepted as conflict resolution.
If this sounds familiar to you, you probably can guess how your teenage years can be summarized also in one word: Je m’enfous. Of course, you become a rebel. But since you’re basically still too young to be a decent rebel and because you being a rebel is precisely for the sake of it, one ends up developing a bit of a troublesome character/personality. You end up finding it hard to develop healthy self-esteem or start being reckless.
On the other hand, you might face difficulties with being bold because you’re an overthinker, or you constantly second-guess yourself, and are a trained hypothesist, or really just poorly trained in making decisions because you always had to accept what other people deemed best for you.
Obviously, the analysis above is just a mere caricature of how I interpret that part of my story. I’m sure that many hypotheses can exist, as much as sand grains exist. The point I want to make — is that for most of us, being bold doesn’t come naturally. In fact, through this article, I want to make precisely the point that you can learn and train your boldness. The path towards boldness can go along lines of rebellion or not, what makes the difference is doing it consciously from a place of deep conviction; a response rather than a reaction.
Before I give some tips on how to be Bold, — not because I’m the expert but because, as per habit, I dove into this subject some time ago, and I want to become bolder myself — let me explain how, while being bold isn’t anything that comes easy it does bring advantages for your avatar.
Why does fortune favour the bold?
What does it mean to embody daring deeds? Imagine having the audacity of living your life boldly. What would that look like? I bet you just got a mini ‘bad-ass’ kick if you really dwelled on these questions.
Imagine also being able to say No!, of pulling through and being determined about a stance or decision, even tho’ it’s not too popular. Imagine standing your ground and not being afraid, to be fired, to be disliked, not get invited to that party, nor praised or recognized — yet still being convinced in your vision, and belief, and what you stand for. I’m talking Rosa Park moments — No, I will not stand up.
It’s those people that make it to the history books, and it’s that kind of leader you want to be and follow during a crisis, during a pandemic, and after.
What does it mean to be bold?
The other side of the coin
In various circumstances, being bold is appreciated and admired. Leaders that take calculated risks, are firm and take not often-trodden paths and do so with confidence are loved and admired. In contrast, some might argue that people that are bold, more often than not slack on other skills, like empathy, consideration for other people and lack of good judgement.
This means that boldness requires a big human responsibility and temperance, and all these need to be inherent to our boldness.
How to earn your boldness?
You read that right. You can’t just get bold — you need to earn it, through deliberate action, stoicism (in the general sense of the word), and training. How?
- Identify your fear — understand what is keeping you small. Maybe that parent, those peers, maybe ideas you have in your own head about who you are or are supposed to be. Let. Them. Go. Break free from the baggage you’re carrying around but doesn’t serve you anymore. If you find that difficult, go dig into old pictures — try to reframe your narrative and look for the little big boldness you’ve hidden away while “growing up”.
- Train your decision-making process and how you deal with risks. Boldness requires tremendous fierceness, and not being afraid to fail. Listening to and trusting your gut.
- Embrace difference — be proactive and develop being and thinking differently. If you give in to the very reflex of ‘following’, and copying — then you’ll never find your authenticity which is defined by boldness.
- Push boundaries: Elon Musk is taking this quite literally with his quest to Mars. I’m sure you can identify a few areas in your life, where you can extend limits, and become better. That small habit that makes you healthier, or that conscious choice that strengthens your stamina & willpower.
- Get comfortable with not being liked — I am a bit of an extreme on this, because I thrive when challenged, and I tend to put myself on a ‘hater-motivator’ regime. Which is a bit masochistic and at the end of the day energy that is not efficiently invested. It can also backfire if overly exerted. Instead, just accept that most people at one point or another, will not like you, or something you say, believe or do. I admire Beyoncé as a bold entertainer and artist, but I have my doubts about how she’s building her fashion business. There’s always going to be criticism, and some people will admittedly or not, just hate your guts, for no particular reason.
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. “We have a tough Project Manager” — is what I hear most from clients. However, on the one hand, I get paid to do the non-popular follow-up and to give it to the clients straight. As a freelancer, I put myself out of my comfort zone every time I work on a new project, in a new team with new people and in different contexts. When you know you’ve gone through many storms — you sure can handle getting wet.
- See the bigger picture. Don’t get caught up in “she said, he said”, understand what sacrifices and risks are needed and figure out how to go about them as smoothly as possible. Notorious RGB doesn’t like small talk.
All this being said, boldness as a quality is by no means an excuse to be hurtful, disrespectful, unkind or obnoxious. As mentioned above the chance is real if you practice being bold, you might get a bit rough on the edges. Be aware and gentle in your bold quest towards boldness not to step on other people. Boldness is truly great when it is done tactfully, with elegance and kindness.
***
We should all be allowed to be a little bit bolder. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Take the risk of being unapologetically bold, without asking for permission.
